Motherhood and mental health, let’s talk about it. Often times it’s portrayed as beautifully tragic. In the movies you have this beautiful protagonist often overcoming whatever the mental health issue is in order to get their happily ever after. But let’s be honest here, mental health isn’t always beautiful, in fact most of the time I would say it’s not. Most of the time I would say it’s dark and gruesome, and most days an uphill battle. And as such motherhood is not always beautiful, it can also be dark and difficult and an uphill battle, one that we’re told we should always at all times enjoy. We should enjoy it because we’ve been given this wonderful and beautiful gift, a baby, so you should always be happy. And then the postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety kicks in and it starts getting harder to always be happy and thankful for the beautiful gift. 

Postpartum depression is not always feeling a little down after having a baby (the baby blues) or not being able to take care of your baby. Postpartum depression can be not answering text messages, not wanting to leave your house for days sometimes weeks at a time, not wanting to see anyone, not being able to eat, not being able to brush your teeth or hair, to just name a few… Not necessarily because you feel sad but because its all just too much and you’re tired, not tired because the baby woke up every two hours last night, but because you’re struggling with a new part of your identity or maybe you don’t even know why, but you feel it. And it’s ok to feel it, feel all of it. 

The best way my mental health has been described to me is having a certain amount of spoons available everyday to do whatever you need to do, let’s say 50. Some days getting out of bed can only cost 10 spoons and other days it’ll be 45, so then I have to be very careful with how I use the rest of them. And taking care of other people all the time takes a lot of spoons, that sometimes I honestly don’t have. Things that take up spoons in my life then begin to fall to the wayside, like the above picture… my hair. Honestly I debated even posting it, because I’m embarrassed by it, I can take care of my family but I can’t brush my hair? And some will comment saying, “well just brush it as soon as you get out of the shower” or “don’t put it up and it won’t be so bad”. I want to, trust me I really do, but I can’t make myself do it. And that is just one small part of what postpartum depression and anxiety means to me.

Some days the battles are small and can be won (like finally brushing my hair), and other days it can be too much. So give the moms in your life a big hug and let them know that you think they are doing an amazing job, sometimes just hearing that can give them a couple extra spoons… maybe to brush their hair. 

Take care of yourselves, and don't forget to embrace your hot mess. 

Love Two Moms And A Hot Mess. 

Written By Jocelyn Morden.